ALDAmom Panel - Part 1
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ALDAmoms: Experiences, Stories, and Parenting Tips
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Editor: Last year's ALDAcon included a workshop entitled ALDAmoms, in
which two late deafened moms shared their experiences with being a mom
to hearing children. One of the moms wrote it up and shared her article
with the Northern Virginia Resource Center for Deaf and Hard of Hearing
Persons (NVRC).
I've recently gotten a couple of requests for information from
late-deafened moms, so it seemed like the ideal time to share this. Our
thanks to the presenters, to Wendy Chang for writing the article, and to
NVRC.
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ALDAmoms: Experiences, Stories, and Parenting Tips From the October
1999 Workshop of the Association of Late-Deafened Adults
Presented by Eileen McCartin and Wendy Cheng
Notes by Wendy Cheng
NVRC SPECIAL: Wendy Cheng works as a librarian for the U. S. Food and
Drug Administration. She has two young daughters: five year-old Abigail
(Abby) and one-year old Eileen (Leenie). Eileen McCartin has worked as a
coordinator and assistant professor of English at Gallaudet University
and is currently a Ph. D. candidate at George Mason University. She has
three children: Johanna (age 11), John (age 10) and Patrick (7). Both
Wendy and Eileen are members of ALDA-Potomac.
This workshop featured the experiences of two late-deafened mothers
rearing profoundly hearing children. The two mothers first discussed
their audiological history and then discussed the various experiences
and problems they had in raising hearing children from birth to early
adolescence.
Wendy grew up hard of hearing and lost the remainder of her hearing
in 1996, when hearing aids suddenly became of very little benefit to
her. Adjusting to profound deafness was a problem, since she cannot
lipread without additional cues (either amplification, or sign
language).
Eileen began to lose her hearing in childhood and became profoundly
deaf. She has relied on a combination of lipreading, sign language and
writing to cope with late-deafness.
Eileen commented briefly about the fact that SOME hearing children of
deaf parents expressed resentment at having to interpret and "grow
up early", having had deaf parents. However, times have changed and
deaf parents today do not need to rely as much on their children since
the advent of relay, captioning, interpreter service, and the Internet.
According to Eileen, children who help deaf parents are not necessarily
going to be traumatized and it might even help develop a sense of
empathy in children and be beneficial to them when they grow older.
Eileen commented that once a person becomes a parent, they have to
become the responsible party. A deafened spouse may tend to depend
heavily on the the hearing spouse, but as a deaf parent, he or she must
assume a large part of the responsibility for the child. The deafened
parent may need to become more assertive and likely may need to swallow
some pride in order to understand doctors and teachers and other
professionals.
She suggests having people write things down, telling receptionists
that the parent has a hearing problem and NOT TO expect the child to
hear his or her name called at the doctors' office. Sometimes the doctor
mispronounces a name and the child doesn't recognize it or is too
engrossed in a video to hear it. One suggestion is to have the nurse
write "MOM deaf" or something like that on your child's chart
especially if the child sees different doctors. The deafened mother
should tell receptionist to come over to get her when the doctor is
ready. Be sure to tell professionals to direct questions to the parent
and not to the child.
During both pregnancies, Wendy was able to understand the doctors via
a combination of lipreading and amplification (hearing aids in the case
of Abby, and cochlear implant in the case of Leenie). The experiences
became a bit stressful when she had toxemia and had to be hospitalized
near the end of the pregnancies. She asked nurses, lab technicians and
doctors to repeat information she missed.
In the case of Leenie, she requested and received hospital gowns with
pockets so the cochlear implant speech processor could be located in a
comfortable place. The most harrowing experience of the hospital stay
was receiving epidural anesthesia prior to the surgical delivery of both
babies; Wendy forgot that she does not always understand speech without
visual cues and this was such a situation. This is about the only time
she has ever regretted not obtaining the services of a sign language
interpreter during her hospital stays.
Eileen stated that during the pregnancy process, the ALDAmom needs to
be assertive. One way to understand information being communicated
during obstetrical exams is to have the doctor write down the vital
information. She found that having the doctor write on the white sheet
she sat on during exams worked well and she just ripped the sheet off
rolled it up and brought it home.
The ALDAmom may hear, "it's not done." She has to be ready
to state her needs and give them solutions that work for her. For
example, let the doctor know that taking five minutes to write down
something will be much cheaper than paying an interpreter to come in for
ten minutes and charge for the 2 hour minimum. She may also legally
request an interpreter and it must be provided.
Eileen advises the prospective ALDAmom to get a sign language
interpreter for the birth even if she may not use one with your doctor
at regular visits. An interpreter can give the prospective mother a lot
of information and peace of mind. The last thing the prospective ALDAmom
needs to worry about is lipreading during labor. The husband should be
there to coach and support, NOT to interpret. An interpreter will also
help ease her mind after the birth if you have any questions for the
nurses or doctors about the baby.
Part Two
