Not Deaf Enough . . . And Not Hearing Enough

by Wendy Cheng

Editor: I've been following rather closely what's happening at Gallaudet and trying to understand the arguments on both sides. I've also posted a lot of the information to our website (http://www.hearinglossweb.com/Issues/Identity/gal06/gal06.htm). But I've cut back on the website posting lately, because there really isn't much new happening. One bright exception to that statement is an article by Wendy Cheng. She was a student at Gallaudet about 20 years ago, and offers a unique perspective on what's happening there.

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October 2006

Some 20 miles away in suburban Maryland, I'm watching the student protest at Gallaudet University from afar with a feeling of immense sadness. The Gallaudet I see on television is not the one I experienced as a special student some 20 years ago.

In the fall 1986, against my parents' dire warnings, I left the comfort of home in North Carolina to study at Gallaudet. I was tired of the lonely road I traveled then as a hard of hearing person who had fallen in love with sign language, and realized signed English, at least, made it easier for me to lipread others. My social life through 12 years of public school and four years at one of the best public universities in the nation had been mostly sterile and devoid of color. Even with the residual hearing and the hearing aids I had, I experienced audism on several levels. Well meaning hearing people doubted my ability to major in music or audiology; and I had became acutely aware my signal to noise requirements was much higher than what most parties in hearing society provided. It did not matter to me if the majority of the hearing community did not sign. The bottom line: I had no role model for the life I knew I would be leading for the rest of my life. Plus, I needed to see for myself how the "other side" lived.

And so, I arrived on campus, lived at Peet Residence Hall for one semester, took a full load of classes and worked in the English computer lab. I interacted with all kinds of students: the friendly graduate students, both deaf and hearing; placed my hands in the hands of deaf-blind students to talk with them via tactile signing; graded papers in the English computer lab and helped a deaf international student from Taiwan learn both American signs and written English simultaneously. Best of all, I joined a support group for hard of hearing undergraduates with similar educational and signing backgrounds as I, who were dealing with the same identity issues I was facing at that time.

For the first time in my life, I felt validated as a hard of hearing person and I had my own place in this community with a wide spectrum of hearing loss. Gallaudet to me was like a rainbow of many colors and that was great to experience. This was something I had not been able to find through 16 years of schooling in hearing society. That is why to this day, I cherish my all-too-brief stay at Gallaudet University as one of the major highlights of my life.

However, Gallaudet was not exactly the perfect utopia I dreamed about---at least, not musically. I faced culturally Deaf students who constantly signed the pejorative insult that I was a "think-hearing" person. When I arrived on campus, I already knew I loved classical music and that was a non-negotiable part of me. In fact, my violin came with me. About once a week, I would surreptitiously go into one of the classrooms in the library to play Pachelbel's Canon in D on the violin and other favorite pieces. I was saddened by the fact that the few deaf students on campus who had been string players in their secondary school years were denying this part of their identity in an effort to fit in with "in" group.

Watching the protest via television reports and reading posts in the deaf and Deaf blogosphere, I am saddened to see how much more polarized the campus has become since I left. If the culturally deaf students have their way and a culturally deaf president (opposing cochlear implants and the use of hearing technology) was ever selected, the rainbow I experienced so well during my stay might well disappear. However, based on accounts I've read, Jane Fernandes, the incoming president, has not been very adept at explaining her decisions to the student community. I was surprised to read that she eliminated a popular music/performing arts program (at the cochlear implant center for young children on the campus) without fully explaining to the staff why it was necessary to eliminate the program....