effect of the listener on communications involving people with hearing loss

Sometimes we focus so much on some of the other factors that affect communication that we forget to consider what the person with hearing loss can can do as a  listener to ensure successful communication. His greatest contribution is in managing the situation.

Because he knows best what works and doesn't work for him, the hard of hearing, late deafened, or oral deaf person has the primary responsibility to manage the situation. If communication is happening, people should note that, give themselves a pat on the back, and move ahead with the situation at hand.

But, if the situation is not working, it is up to the listener to determine how the situation can be improved and to suggest the appropriate modifications. The problem may be with the environment, and resolution may be as simple as moving to a different location.

The problem may be with the speaker. Perhaps she has a habit of talking with her hand in front of her mouth, or maybe she mumbles. The listener must let her know what she can do to help the situation, and the speaker must be willing to make the necessary accommodations.

Finally, the problem might be with the listener. Some days are worse than others, and today just might be a bad day. Maybe the listener didn't sleep well the night before, or maybe he is distracted or upset by something that happened earlier that day. If the conversation is “important” and the speaker is able to recognize that this just isn't a good time, the best suggestion might be to reschedule.

I think the single most counterproductive behavior the listener can do is …. You all know what I’m going to say, right????? It’s the b-word. And I know you’ve all done it! I’m not saying that it’s not an effective tactic, or that you should NEVER do it; sometimes it might be the most expedient thing to do. I am saying that when you choose to use this behavior, you are guaranteeing that communication is not happening; should you be found out, you’ve the speaker that you don’t really think what she had to say was very important. Of  course, I’m talking about bluffing - pretending you understood what the person said, when you really didn’t.

It’s the listener’s job to inform the speaker when he doesn’t understand. Some people with hearing loss become very irritated when communication doesn’t happen because the hearing speaker is behaving inappropriately (e.g. not getting the listener’s attention before speaking). But when communication doesn’t happen because of their own inappropriate behavior (e.g. they don’t understand and they don’t ask for repetition), they don’t see anything wrong with it.

With regard to inappropriate behavior by the speaker, it is important for the listener to be patient (just as the speaker must be patient and willing to accommodate the listener). Old behaviors die hard, and much of the behavior that seems insensitive is due to other reasons. Patience in these situations will promote effective communications just as certainly as impatience will destroy it.

I once participated in an eight week couples workshop that focused on the effects of hearing loss on relationships. There were four couples in the group. Each couple consisted of a hearing partner and a hard of hearing or deaf partner. The workshop was conducted around a large table, and an FM system was provided for the people with hearing loss. Two of the participants used the FM system at all times. One of the “house rules” was that a person couldn’t speak unless he had the microphone for the FM system. The rule was frequently violated, and the violation frequency really didn’t decrease much over the eight weeks of the workshop. The really interesting thing is that virtually every violation was by a person with hearing loss, NOT by a hearing person. They certainly understood the importance of using the microphone far better than the hearing people; yet they had to be reminded again and again, and a couple of them never did get it! These were not insensitive or uncaring people. They just couldn’t easily break old habits.

Also remember to adjust your expectations and your behavior to accommodate the situation. You shouldn’t expect person who has never interacted with a person with hearing loss to have the same awareness as a person with years of experience. And you shouldn’t expect to understand as easily in a restaurant as in a living room. And you shouldn’t expect anyone to read your mind.

Whatever the situation, the hard of hearing, late deafened, or oral deaf listener has the best knowledge of the communication status, and he must use that knowledge to manage the situation.