effect of the listener on communications involving people with hearing loss
Sometimes we focus so much on some of the other factors that affect
communication that we forget to consider what the person with hearing loss can
can do as a listener to
ensure successful communication. His greatest contribution is in managing the
situation.
Because he knows best what works and doesn't work for him, the hard of
hearing, late deafened, or oral deaf person
has the primary responsibility to manage the situation. If communication is
happening, people should note that, give themselves a pat on the back, and move
ahead with the situation at hand.
But, if the situation is not working, it is up to the listener to determine
how the situation can be improved and to suggest the appropriate modifications.
The problem may be with the environment, and
resolution may be as simple as moving to a different location.
The problem may be with the speaker. Perhaps she
has a habit of talking with her hand in front of her mouth, or maybe she
mumbles. The listener must let her know what she can do to help the situation,
and the speaker must be willing to make the necessary accommodations.
Finally, the problem might be with the listener. Some days are worse than
others, and today just might be a bad day. Maybe the listener didn't sleep well
the night before, or maybe he is distracted or upset by something that happened
earlier that day. If the conversation is “important” and the speaker is able
to recognize that this just isn't a good time, the best suggestion might be to
reschedule.
I think the single most counterproductive behavior the listener can
do is …. You all know what I’m going to say, right????? It’s the
b-word. And I know you’ve all done it! I’m not saying that it’s
not an effective tactic, or that you should NEVER do it; sometimes it
might be the most expedient thing to do. I am saying that when you
choose to use this behavior, you are guaranteeing that communication is
not happening; should you be found out, you’ve the speaker that you
don’t really think what she had to say was very important. Of
course, I’m talking about bluffing - pretending you understood
what the person said, when you really didn’t.
It’s the listener’s job to inform the speaker when he doesn’t
understand. Some people with hearing loss become very irritated when
communication doesn’t happen because the hearing speaker is behaving
inappropriately (e.g. not getting the listener’s attention before
speaking). But when communication doesn’t happen because of their own
inappropriate behavior (e.g. they don’t understand and they don’t
ask for repetition), they don’t see anything wrong with it.
With regard to inappropriate behavior by the speaker, it is important
for the listener to be patient (just as the speaker must be patient and
willing to accommodate the listener). Old behaviors die hard, and much
of the behavior that seems insensitive is due to other reasons. Patience
in these situations will promote effective communications just as
certainly as impatience will destroy it.
I once participated in an eight week couples workshop that focused on
the effects of hearing loss on relationships. There were four couples in
the group. Each couple consisted of a hearing partner and a hard of
hearing or deaf partner. The workshop was conducted around a large
table, and an FM system was provided for the people with hearing loss.
Two of the participants used the FM system at all times. One of the
“house rules” was that a person couldn’t speak unless he had the
microphone for the FM system. The rule was frequently violated, and the
violation frequency really didn’t decrease much over the eight weeks
of the workshop. The really interesting thing is that virtually every
violation was by a person with hearing loss, NOT by a hearing person.
They certainly understood the importance of using the microphone far
better than the hearing people; yet they had to be reminded again and
again, and a couple of them never did get it! These were not insensitive
or uncaring people. They just couldn’t easily break old habits.
Also remember to adjust your expectations and your behavior to
accommodate the situation. You shouldn’t expect person who has never
interacted with a person with hearing loss to have the same awareness as
a person with years of experience. And you shouldn’t expect to
understand as easily in a restaurant as in a living room. And you
shouldn’t expect anyone to read your mind.
Whatever the situation, the hard of hearing, late deafened, or oral deaf listener has the best knowledge of the
communication status, and he must use that knowledge to manage the situation.
