Stand by Me - Part Two

Editor: We've been seeing more information in the last few years about the effect of hearing loss on a person's partner, and also on how a partner can help a person deal with her hearing loss. Two couples affected by hearing loss explore these topics in this workshop.

This is part two of two parts.

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Here's Part One

Sheila and Gerry Adams

Sheila began this portion of the presentation by recalling that before her CI she was teaching phonics with a severe to profound hearing loss! She soon got to the point where could understand speech only in a perfect situation - one person speaking, a good environment, etc. She had many fears at that point, for her job, her marriage, her social life.

She had become very dependent, relying on Gerry to make phone calls, take her to the doctor. Her world had become very small, and she was wondering if that was making his world small. She was concerned that she was no longer the person that Gerry had married, because she heard pretty well back then.

She felt frustration and fatigue. She arrived home from work exhausted and with a headache, and had very little to give to their relationship. She felt hopeless, and they never talked about any of this!

Gerry recalled that he was frustrated, because she didn't talk about her situation. Being a guy, he was ready to solve the problem. So he researched various technologies. He became her advocate, stepping in to do what needed to be done. He became her ears, and eventually he even became her mouth. He explained that it became too much work for him to repeat everything to her so she could respond. So if he knew the answer, he provided it!

Over time their social life declined. Also, Gerry was very concerned for Sheila's safety, because she couldn't tell where a sound was coming from. He learned to let her know when several people were conversing and the topic changed.

Gerry noted that his fulfillment came from continuing to find solutions to situations as Sheila's hearing declined. As time went on he found better solutions. But one day they got to the point where there were no more solutions, and Gerry was devastated.

Sheila noted that both she and Gerry felt a sense of loss as her hearing declined. The decided that a CI was the answer, and thankfully it worked! After Sheila was hooked up they went back to their favorite stream, and Sheila could hear it for the first time in a long time. And she went through the normal process of rediscovering many sounds she hadn't heard in a long time!

Gerry notes that he was involved in the whole CI process, and he never got tired of sharing Sheila's new discoveries. He remarked that one of the hardest things for him was to learn to let Sheila talk for herself.

He noted that relearning is a process and they worked on it together. The first six months after hookup they'd visit their audiologist weekly to get more rehab materials, and they practiced together.

Sheila mentioned that listening to the radio was also good rehab. When she started her first assignment was to be able to consistently tell if the speaker was a man or a woman. She mentioned that books on tape is also a wonderful resource. Her biggest relief was being back in the classroom the January following her October implantation. Her post-implantation audiogram shows hearing loss of between 20 and 40 db across the spectrum.

Sheila and Gerry's tips include:
- stay current on technology
- be alert to environmental pitfalls
- communications is a two-way street
- treasure the "small stuff"
- maintain a positive perspective
- laugh often

C. I really enjoyed both couples' stories. It's interesting that trials and tribulations separate many couples, but make others stronger.

C. The support of others is really important. I remember one man with hearing loss whose wife was always speaking for him, and he didn't have the courage to stand up to her. One day with the help of their group, he found the courage to tell her to be quiet for a while so he could talk about how he felt!

Q. I'd be concerned about not being able to hear between the operation and the hookup.
A. For Sheila it wasn't much of an issue, because we did her bad ear, in which she had very little hearing anyway. But that could be an issue for people in other situations. By the way, we learned some cued speech, just in case.